why are puppies just so goddamn cute?
Eaglecreek Hike con Papaya and Whit
Sometimes I just wish I was a writer so I could have some chance at formulating into the right words the things that go through my head on a daily basis. Being done with school and living at home with actual days of leads to much more down time, and much more “Courtney ponders the meaning of life” time. I feel like I am at this hugely pivotal place in my life. School and adolescence behind me and so many things to look forward to. The endless possibilities are truly so exciting. For the first time it’s really completely up to me where I want to go, and what I want to do. When you’re going through school there’s always these next obvious steps that you’re supposed to take, and now (although yes, I know find a job in your field is the correct path) there is just this whole new sense of freedom.
I have spent the last few months getting to know myself. My last few months in Vic were very different. I spent the majority of my time with myself, and that seemed to work out ok in the end, because I came out of it all a better person because of it. I decided to take my life by the reigns, and make changes for myself, and myself only. I was unhappy, depressed even….so, I DID something about it. I got up off my ass, and ran. Made a salad, ate some fruit, went to bed earlier, whatever. I changed what I was putting into my body to make me feel better, both inside and out. I’ve think I finally discovered what I was missing all along. That heath, and happiness is all about what’s right for you. Life is about a balance. Yes, there are things to stay away from. But, here’s the thing, natural foods TASTE BETTER, more sleep, FEELS BETTER, working out and gaining muscle, FEELS BETTER. My road to health and fitness has been all about the positives. It’s not about what we deprive ourselves of, it’s what we give ourselves. I never think about the things I am not eating, or doing. But instead think of the wonderful things I am eating or doing.
I can’t even express how good it feels to finally be figuring this part of my life out. Growing up with body image issues and a family that could have been a little bit more supportive with self love and esteem, it feels good to figure it out, and I did it on my own.
I’ve been spending a lot of time with my dad this last month. He’s such an integral part of my life right now. And, part of me feels like I am for him too. We just seem to understand each other in a way now that we never really did before. My heart breaks for him a little these days though. It’s rough to see our parents go through pain. I have been there feeling for my mom in the earlier years, but now…it’s my dads turn. I’ve always been the person that tries to put things back together, be the glue to hold it all together. But now it just doesn’t seem impossible. So I am using my glue power on him. Trying to make him feel that no matter what he may think of himself, he is worth it. He deserves all the love and happiness. He matters.
Why do we lose sight of our own self worth? When did it become ok for us to settle? I’m beginning to think that maybe I am creating too high of standards, that no one will ever be able to hold up to the things that I think I deserve, but then I remember how far I have come with knowing and loving myself this year and I feel that I do deserve those things. And that is why I am willing to wait. I have been taken advantage of and sacrificed too much of myself in the past and refuse to make the same mistakes.
To end this long blabbering post: I watched “Like Crazy” for the second time tonight at my moms work. At the end the crowd let out sighs, laughs, questions. As a society we’re so used to getting our happy endings from movies. We’re used to everything being so Hollywood perfect we can just walk away feeling nothing, or just a little pang of jealousy about the perfect movie couple. But this movie…the reason people don’t like it is the reason it is SO GOOD. It is real life. Life is about the awkward moments, like first dates and unwanted marriage proposals. Love hurts, and so often we love the people who don’t love us back. We love unconditionally, and it is hard. It is painful. And, this movie showed all of it. Movies so rarely capture real life, but this…this did.
Sorry to anyone reading this for it’s extreme length. Guess it’s just been a while, and I needed to get this shit out. So there you go….Courtney Ponders the Meaning of Life, Episode 1
(Source: eat-run-lift, via throughfitnessandinhealth)
off for a much needed vay-cay. adios amigos!
done university. done packing.
1 day left in victoria and i’ll be sharing moments of it with the people that matter the most, i’m looking at you, Abbey Bennett, also Molison Farmer
all right adult life, i’m ready for ya.
Sweet Potato Hummus with Pita wedges
Ingredients:
- 2 medium sweet potatoes
- 3 tablespoons olive oil
- 2 cups chickpeas
- 3 tablespoons tahini
- 3 cloves garlic, peeled
- juice of 1 lemon
- zest of 1/2 lemon
- ground sea salt, to taste
- 1 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
- 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
- 1/4 teaspoon cumin
Directions:
- Preheat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Bake the sweet potatoes on the middle oven rack or in a baking dish for 45 minutes to an hour. They should yield to a gentle squeeze when they’re done baking.
- While the sweet potatoes are cooling, toss all of the other ingredients into a food processor. Once the sweet potatoes have cooled enough to handle, use a knife or your fingers to peel the skin off of them. Add the sweet potatoes to the food processor.
- Blend well, and serve! I garnished mine with a light sprinkle of cayenne pepper and sesame seeds.
want. right. meow
Some nights you remember why it’s important not to let your emotions ride on someone else. Some nights it’s four/twenty and you have substance-ial reason to be introspective. I’m going to miss Courtney. She’s been with me through some tough shit. That lady dealt with me through my most…
Abbey Bennett, you light up my life. I am going to miss you so much. But of course, I could never ever forget you. You’re stuck with me lady, so get used to it :)
Just recorded a super important video for Elliot that is representational of my time spent with him in Vancouver. What is life?
ABBEY BENNETT IS SUCH A BABE
